It’s a very sensitive subject (pun intended!), but we’re going to talk about your manbag. It may seem like a simple thing, shaving your balls, but there’s a lot involved here. Learning how to shave your balls isn’t like learning to shave your face. Your dad doesn’t take you into the bathroom and lather up your manbag and teach you to “go with the grain.” Well, at least hopefully you dad didn’t do that. Because if he did, that’s weird. Very weird.
Firstly, learning how to shave your balls is really two parts. The first part is asking: Should I shave my balls? The answer to this question is the same answer to “Do I like women to put my penis in their mouths?” If you said yes, then you need to be considerate. Just like you don’t want to go to town on a bucket of clam hair, she doesn’t want to kiss on your dirty fuzzy tennis balls. So, that hair has to go. Shave your balls.
I said there were two part. The second part of this equation is: How much hair needs to go? Unless you plan on starring in gay porn, there’s no real reason for you to pull out the Nair and try to burn all the hair off your boys. Not too many women want their normal, everyday guy to look like a 12 year choir boy.
So you’ve made the decision that some trimming is in order. Where do you start? First, get the thought of using a razor out of your mind. That’s just odd and dangerous. Even one of those disposable razors will be too much. Must men have never really looked at their balls. They’re down there, below the tally wacker, just hanging around. But we’re not pulling out a mirror to inspect the underside. Again, if you have done that, it’s weird. Very weird. I say all of that to say that your balls are wrinkly messes. They look like a Shar Pei that’s been left in the tub. Do not put a razor on your balls. You will nick them and then you’ll want to die.
“Mr. Duke, then what should I use?” you ask. Get yourself a nice pair of clippers. They don’t need to be fancy. They don’t need to be special “mangrooming” or “manscaping” shears. Nope. A simple pair of clippers will get the job done. You can go big and pick up a professional grade clipper, which has the benefit of having different blades, so you can use one for the boys and one for your face/hair. Or you can go for a more moderate approach and pick up something for $20 that serves as your one and only ball hair trimmer. Please do not use the same instrument to shave your balls that you use one your face. That’s just nasty. Don’t be nasty.
Now that you have your cutting device, it’s time to go to town. Make sure the area is dry; clippers don’t usually like wet hair. Stand in front of a mirror and bask in the glory of your soon to be trimmed up pubic area. You’re going to want to start slowly, this isn’t a race. Start from the top, even though it’s not your balls you need to trim up top, too. Work your way down, carefully. You do not need to make sure it’s pretty or even, you’re just taking it down to reasonable levels. Don’t go too low. If you go too low, you’ll risk razor bumps and other nasty shit. And it’s never good to have to explain any bumps near your dick to a female.
Don’t forget the taint.
After you’re done shaving your balls, wash the area with soap and warm water. Let the area air dry. Then find your girl and show her what you’ve done. For her.