You’re doing it wrong.

8 Reasons Why Comic Con Sucks

I have been to two comic con events in my life. One in New York and recently one in San Diego.  The only fond memory I had of the New York comic con was collecting a bunch of free schwag, and that was years ago. It was back when hyper commercialism first started, and there was something called “Christmas”, which is now “One expensive ass gift if your lucky-mas.”

I had not planned on going, but this year I got some surprise tickets. I was actually happy to go, initially. When I first collected the tickets I received  a cool bag, an event guide, and…a shitty badge. I thought, “I am at comic con, right?All these fucking artists and they come up with the shittiest badge ever!” Then the event went downhill from there. So let me save you some time and tell you why you should be glad you did not go. And don’t waste your time or money going next year.

  • Crowds
    • 120,000 + people go to this event. The spacing is cramped and if it was not for all the white people you would think you were in a market in Dhaka, Bangladesh. It’s hot and sweaty. It smells like 250,000 nerds crammed into one building with no ventilation (more on this later). Even the outside areas are crowded. You’re surrounded. There’s no way to do anything quickly. And if an emergency happens, I’m pretty sure everyone dies.
  • Expensive foods
    • It was not Disneyland nonsense level bullshit, but it was still bullshit.
  • Shitty costumes
    • I get that cosplay (costume play) is an important culture. But only 15% of the characters were even recognizable. It reminded me of the kids in preschool who could not afford a costume so you made shit up. At one point I thought, “You must be the character on that show that died,”  or “I didn’t know this was a pimp and hoe party.”

You’re doing it wrong.

  • The smells. Bad Smells
    • This actually pissed me off about the convention center. The air conditioning seemed to be on extra low. It was hot and moist. And some people literally smelled like shit! If they had that stinky “I am a foreigner and have different cultural values and norms” smell, you would welcome it. But the people at comic con stink like they’re doing it on purpose. Some pockets of the venue smelled like a filthy gym locker room. For the future there should be an Axe Body Spray booth at each entrance. “Hey Swedish Wolverine! Spray down first before you come in here. You as well basement gamers.”
  •  Video games
    • This was not bad. But the convention center should have a separate video game convention. I am sure it will be bigger than the comic con.
  • Everyone wants to be famous
    • Artists do not understand that talent is everywhere, so there is little reason to charge 10 dollars for a button that costs you 20 cents, if that. Yes, you should make money but if you are not commercially known do not sell your shit as if you are. Price your wares accordingly. The sad part is that because it’s Comic Con people are willing to spend absurd amounts of money on bullshit from bullshit artists.
  • Superman, Spiderman, and Batman are everywhere
    • Every table every artist had a Marvel or D.C. comic character. We all have the same influences but does anyone every create new or original stuff. Comics to me are like present day rap. Remixing the remix and hope someone is too young to know it’s been done before and better.
  • Absurd expectations
    • Some women (and men if that’s your thing) looked absolutely sexy in cosplay, but  I swear it’s all a ploy… I actually heard a woman say “Men are all the same, they keep looking at my ass. They cannot respect the costume.” I respect the costume. I respect that your ass is completely hanging out of your costume and I shall look. I really will.  If that makes me a scumbag, so be it. But you brought your ass in my line of site, I didn’t search it out. Some of the costumes aren’t even costumes. It’s Comic Con, not Halloween. Slutty Angel can stay at home.
    • This isn’t even a costume.

Comic Con 2015 grade: C- , the event did have a few cool people mixed in the crowd.  One was a little girl that had her own comic books and she was really enthusiastic about her art.  That’s awesome. Other than it was full of pretentious artists that tried to inflate the value of their products.  Next year, even if I get free tickets, I’m going to pass.  All of the cool stuff, like leaked trailers and information from panels, gets posted online almost instantaneously anyway.  So I’m staying home for Comic Con 2016, my nose will thank me.


Hawk DWill

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